In heaven there is no beer

Dear Megan,

Some unhappy news came our way this weekend from Kevin's dad. Apparently, Kevin's nephew, Zachary, was kicked out of his college, Wheaton.

When I first heard Kevin say, "He got kicked out?!?" I thought, what could this kid possibly have done? He's a good boy, always has been. The only thing I've ever heard him do wrong is speed. (That is, drive fast.) Maybe he failed to cite a reference on a paper or something? And they have a hard-core honor pledge? Maybe he punched his roommate?

I w/racked my brain while Kevin was talking to his father, trying to think of some objectionable action that sweet Zachary could have perpetrated. Nothing I could have come up with could compare with the actual story:

Zachary met a girl at the airport when he arrived in Chicago at the beginning of his college career. (Wheaton is located in Wheaton, Illinois, about 30 miles west of Chicago.) They hit it off and have been dating ever since (so, about eight months now). Apparently, this did not please the girl's father.

So, what did the father do? What any normal father does, of course, when he disapproves of his daughter's choice in boyfriend: he hired a private detective to follow them around. And what did the private detective spot these two crazy kids doing? Shoplifting meat from the local grocer? Sniffing glue? Nope. Drinking underage.

Apparently, at Wheaton, they don't like the drinking. (It's a Christian college, which I didn't know until this whole brouhaha erupted.) Part of the Community Creed states:

While the use of illegal drugs or the abuse of legal drugs is by definition
illicit, and the use of tobacco in any form has been shown to be injurious
to health, the situation regarding beverage alcohol is more complex.
The Bible requires moderation in the use of alcohol, not abstinence.
Yet the fact that alcohol is addictive to many, coupled with the biblical
warnings against its dangers, also suggests the need for caution. . . .
Thus the question of alcohol consumption represents a prime opportunity
for Christians to exercise their freedom responsibly, carefully, and in
Christ-like love.

Therefore,

While enrolled in Wheaton College, undergraduate members of the
community will refrain from the consumption of alcohol or the use of
tobacco in all settings.

Good opportunity for the kids to exercise their freedom responsibly, dontchathink?

So, Zachary got caught breaking the rules. What does Wheaton do when kids break the rules? Well, according to the Student Development Office:

When the need for a disciplinary response arises, the deans and
vice president in the Student Development Office seek to administer
discipline in a redemptive manner and to balance compassion with
accountability.

Hence, expulsion. Without the opportunity for appeal.

Oh, the hypocrisy!

The best part of the whole story? The daughter, whom the P.I. also caught drinking underage, was expelled, too. Way to go, Dad!

The irony is delicious, no?

Poor kid. Maybe he can transfer to Vanderbilt. That type of behavior is celebrated here.

Hope all is well with you and the 'Roni, and that the dogs did not go crazy during your extended absence.

love ya, mean it!

Molly

previous post title source: "Bang the Drum All Day," Todd Rundgren